RO: Am inceput sa scriu articolul acesta in ultima zi de concediu maternal, mai exact la un an si 11 luni de cand am nascut. Pe langa faptul ca nu imi vine sa cred cat de repede au trecut acesti aproape doi ani, inca imi e greu sa realizez ca eu, cea care in urma cu cativa ani imi dadeam sufletul pentru tot ce inseamna munca de birou, lucrand in wekenduri si cat mai mult posibil, am ales in final sa raman pe toata durata concediului de maternitate acasa, cu Alexei. Chiar si imediat dupa ce am nascut am fost sigura, absolut sigura (si nimeni nu ma putea contrazice sau convinge de alta situatie) ca ma voi intoarce la birou in sase luni. Aveam setat un prag de sase luni pentru alaptat, dupa care sa incep intarcarea, sa il dam pe Alexei la cresa si apoi sa ma intorc la birou. Si inca imi amintesc cum in primele zile acasa, dupa revenirea de la maternitate, imi verificam mailurile, imi reciteam trainingurile tehnice si incercam sa raman cat mai mult conectata la tot ce insemna jobul meu, din frica de a nu pierde ceva sau de a nu ramane in urma. Toate aceste ambitii legate de job mi-au disparut insa chiar dupa prima luna de nesomn, oboseala dusa la extrem, cearcane, dureri de cap de la nedormit noaptea si stresul ca nu sunt o mama buna si ca nu voi face fata perioadei ce avea sa urmeze. Am acceptat faptul ca pentru o vreme jobul meu nu va mai fi o prioritate pentru mine, insa simteam si imi doream cu adevarat ca dupa numai sase luni sa ma intorc la birou. Probabil din cauza unui inceput de depresie postnatala, asociam intoarcerea la birou cu recuperarea vietii de dinainte de nastere. O vedeam ca pe o scapare si cumva, abia asteptam sa se intample.

EN: I’ve started writing this article in the last day of my maternity leave, at one year and 11 months since I gave birth, to be more precise. Besides the fact that I still can’t believe how fast these two years have passed, it is still hard to realize that I, the person who was going out of the way for everything that involved working, doing as much overtime as I could during weekends and whenever was needed, I finally chose to stay at home with Alexei for the entire maternity leave. Even right after I gave birth I was sure, completely positive (and no one could prove me wrong at that time) that I will go back to work in six months. I planned to breastfeed for six months and then slowly start the weaning process, to take Alexei to daycare and go back to work. And I even remember those first days at home, after I returned from the hospital, when I was constantly checking my emails, revising my technical trainings and trying to stay connected as much as I could with my job, being afraid that I will miss something important or that I will be way behind if I don’t do that. All these job related ambitions were gone after one month of not sleeping, being exhausted, having dark circles, headaches from not all those sleepless nights and from the stress that I was not a good mother, capable to face the period that was coming. I finally accepted that for a while my job will no longer be a priority for me, but I was feeling and actually really wanted to go back to work after only six months. Maybe due to a slight postpartum depression I was associating going back to work with recovering the life I had before giving birth. I was seeing this as an escape and somehow, I was looking forward for that moment.
RO: Mi se pare atat de amuzanta toata aceasta convingere de nestramutat pe care am avut-o imediat dupa nastere. Ba chiar ma uit inapoi la acea perioada si imi pare ca nu ma recunosc 🙂 Felul in care vad lucrurile acum este atat de diferit, incat imi este foarte greu sa imi amintesc si sa ma inteleg atunci, in perioada imediat de dupa nastere. Pentru ca iata-ma la aproape doi ani de atunci, inca alaptand, inca stand acasa in concediu de maternitate si mai mult decat atat, inca dorindu-mi sa mai stau alaturi de Alexei zi de zi. Stiu, stiu, este un privilegiu extraordinar faptul ca in Romania putem beneficia de doi ani de maternitate, PLATITA 85% din salariu. Mai ales cand compar cu cele 16 saptamani (prenatal si postnatal, impreuna) pe care le ofera olandezii sau alte state vest europene. Insa acum, in ultima zi in care ma bucur de acest beneficiu urias, tot mi se pare ca nu a fost suficient 🙂

EN: Now it seems so funny that I was so determined after giving birth. Actually I look back at those times and it seems that I don’t even recognize myself 🙂 The way I see things now is so different, that it really seems hard for me to remember and to understand what I was feeling back then. Because here I am, at almost two years since then, still breastfeeding, still staying at home in my maternity leave, still wanting to be close to Alexei every single day. I know, I really knkw that it is an extraordinary privilege that we can have two years of PAID (with 85% of our income) maternity leave. Especially when I compare this with those 16 weeks (prenatal and postpartum) offered by The Netherlands or other west European countries. But now, in the last day when I’m enjoying this huge benefit, I still consider it was not enough 🙂

RO: Nu regret niciun moment ca am ramas doi ani acasa, cu Alexei, si ca mi-am pus cariera on hold in tot acest timp. Stiu ca am ratat niste sanse mari (sau pe care le consideram mari) din punct de vedere profesional, insa in acelasi timp sunt perfect constienta ca e posibil sa apara multe alte sanse de acum inainte. Faptul ca am pierdut o pozitie pe care mi-o doream sau un proiect care imi placea foarte mult nu este ceva ireversibil. Lipsa mea de la birou pentru doi ani de zile nu sterge cu buretele toata experienta construita inainte de nastere, ci doar o opreste temporar. Nu este ceva de reconstruit, ci de reamintit. Da, sunt doi ani in care nu am progresat profesional, insa sunt doi ani in care m-am dedicat total familiei noastre si cred cu toata inima ca daca m-as fi intors dupa sase luni, asa cum planuiam initial, as fi pierdut cele mai frumoase si mai importante momente din viata mea si a lui Alexei, lucru pe care da, l-as fi considerat ireversibil.

EN: I will never regret that I stayed at home with Alexei for two years and that my carreer was on hold during this time. I know I might have missed big opportunities (or that I considered big) from a professional point of view, but at the same time I am aware of the fact that it is possible to have many other opportunities from now on. The fact that I lost a position that I wanted or a project that I liked is not irreversible. My absence at work for two years will not erase all the experience that I built before giving birth, it just temporary stops it. I don’t have to rebuild, but to remember. Yes, there are two years of no professional progress, but two years that I gave myself up to our family and I strongly believe that if I would have returned after six months, as I initially planned, I would have lost the most beautiful and most important moments of my life and Alexei’s life, which in the end, yes, I would have considered irreversible.
RO: Tot ce povestesc in acest articol este 100% personal, este pur si simplu o povestire a felului in care am evoluat si mi-am schimbat complet opiniile de-a lungul maternitatii. Nu vreau sa spun niciunei mame vreodata ca daca nu va sta acasa doi ani de zile va avea de pierdut. Sau ca orice femeie care devine mama TREBUIE sa isi puna cariera on hold. Sau ca felul in care am procedat eu este cel corect. Sub nicio forma. Spun insa ca fiecare mama stie si simte exact ce trebuie sa faca, iar deciziile pe care le ia (avand in calcul diverse motive) sunt cele potrivite pentru ea, pentru copilul ei si pentru familia ei. Iar pentru mine, chiar daca initial credeam contrariul, a fost minunat faptul ca am realizat in final ca vreau sa ma dedic complet lui Alexei si sa aleg sa beneficiez de concediu de maternitate complet. Daca as fi inca o data in aceeasi pozitie, as face aceeasi alegere, de data aceasta mult mai asumat si fara micile “drame” pe care le-am trait imediat dupa nastere.

EN: Everything that I write in this article is 100% personal, it is just the story of how I evolved and completely changed my opinions along the maternity. I would never say to a mother that it is not ok if she doesn’t stay home for two years. I would never say to a women that becomes a mother that she MUST put her carreer on hold. Or that what I did is the best way. No, under no circumstance. What I want to say is that every mother knows and feels exactly what she has to do and she takes the decisions (considering all aspects) that are right for her, for her child and for her family. And for me, even though I initially thought otherwise, it was great that I finally realized that I want to give myself up completely to Alexei and to choose to benefit of the entire maternity leave. If I would be again in the same position, I woudl do the same choice, this time more assumed and without the “dramas” that I imagined after giving birth.

RO: Asa ca acum, stiind ca maine voi incepe sa lucrez din nou, incerc sa definesc ce simt mai exact. As vrea sa spun ca am emotii, insa sincer… chiar nu le am. As tinde sa zic ca ma streseaza putin gandul ca trebuie sa ma intorc, sa lucrez full time, sa raspund la mailuri, sa intru din nou in lume corporatista dupa doi ani in care am fost complet detasata de ea, insa sincer… chiar nu ma simt stresata. Ar trebui poate sa admit faptul ca imi va fi greu sa incep sa lucrez in perioada aceasta, cand din cauza corona virusului suntem obligati sa lucram de acasa si in acelasi timp sa avem grija de Alexei, insa sincer… nu mi-e deloc teama de perioada ce urmeaza. Suntem in aceeasi situatie ca toti cei care sunt parinti si lucreaza. Asa cum altii au gasit solutii, le vom gasi si noi. Si ne va fi bine, sunt sigura.

EN: So now, knowing that tomorrow I will start working again, I try to define what exactly do I feel. I would say that I feel a bit nervous about it, but hinestly… I don’t. I would sa that I am a bit stressed that I have to go back to working full time, to answer to emails, being in the corporate world again after two years when I had no contact with it, but honestly… I really don’t feel stressed at all. I should probably admit that it will be a bit hard for me to start working in this period, because due to corona virus we have to work from house and at the same time to take care of Alexei, but honestly… I am not afraid of the times that will follow. We’re in the same situation as all the people that have children and work. As other managed to find solutios, we will for sure. And it will be fine.
RO: Poate ca ma ingrijoreaza putin gandul ca nu voi mai avea atat de multa disponibilitate pentru Alexei si ca voi lipsi pe parcursul zilei de langa el (ca sa pot lucra linistita, in birou) insa in acelasi timp ma gandesc ca daca nu ar fi fost situatia aceasta cu corona virus, “despartirea” aceasta ar fi fost mult mai transanta si mai grea. L-as fi lasat dimineata la cresa si l-as fi vazut seara tarziu dupa ce ma intorceam de la birou. Cumva, intr-un mod hilar, pot spune ca situatia aceasta este una ideala in cazul de fata. Da, voi lucra, voi fi foarte implicata si determinata sa recuperez cat mai repede tot ce s-a intamplat in acesti doi ani. Insa cu foarte multa organizare, voi avea timp si pentru Alexei. Orice pauza de lucru ii va fi dedicata lui. Vom face cu schimbul, ne vom planifica callurile si intalnirile virtuale cu colegii sau cu managerii in asa fel incat sa putem alterna si unul dintre noi sa poata sta cu el. Voi profita la maxim de somnul de pranz (aproximativ doua ore) ca sa rezolv cat mai multe lucruri la birou. Ce va ramane nerezolvat voi incerca sa rezolv si seara, dupa ce il voi adormi. Voi face liste cu mesele pe o saptamana intreaga, ca sa optimizez timpul, sa stiu intotdeauna ce trebuie sa gatesc, ce ingrediente am si cum sa gatesc. Voi pune blogul, croitoria, fotografiile, filmarile si orice alta pasiune pe plan secund si ma voi focusa pe Alexei si job, in egala masura. M-am pregatit psihic pentru perioada ce urmeaza si chiar daca stiu ca va fi greu, am mereu in vedere faptul ca e ceva firesc. Si pentru mine (pentru ca am nevoie de aceasta reintoarcere la job) si pentru Alexei.

EN: Maybe I am a bit worried that I will no longer have so much availability for Alexei and that I  will be missing during the day (so that I can work properly in the office) but at the same time I think that if all this lockdown due to corona virus wouldn’t have happened, this “separation” would have been much harder and trenchant. I would have left him at daycare in the morning and I would have seen him late in the evening when I would have returned from work. Somehow, in a weird way, I can say that this is an ideal situation for our case. Yes, I will work, I will be involved and determined to catch up with all the changes that happened during these two years. But with a lot of organization, I will also have time for Alexei. Any work break will be for him. We will switch turns, we will plan our calls and virtual meetings with our colleagues or managers so that one of us can always stay with him. I’ll take advantage of his nap time (approximately two hours) so that I can solve as much as I can at work. What will remain unsolved I will try to recover during the evening, after he will fall asleep. I will make lists of meals for an entire week, to optimize the time, so that I can always have in mind what I have to cook, what ingredients I need and how to cook. My blog, sewing, taking photographs, filming and any other passion will no longer be a priority as my main priorities will be Alexei and my job. I mentally prepared for the period that will follow and even though I know it will be hard, I will always remember that it is something normal. For me (as I need this going back to work) and for Alexei.

RO: Spre surprinderea mea, sunt linistita. Si astept ziua de maine cu calm, cu rabdare, fara sa cer prea multe de la mine. Ma voi stradui sa fac tot ce imi sta in putere sa revin cat de repede pot, insa nu voi pune foarte multa presiune pe mine (asa cum obisnuiam sa fac). Cred ca in acesti doi ani de maternitate am invatat niste lucruri extrem de importante, pe care inainte de aceasta perioada nu doar ca nu le intelegeam, dar mi se pareau complet inutile si neproductive. Ei bine, am inteles ca avand rabdare, liniste, detasare si privind totul cu calm, lucrurile se rezolva, uneori mult mai repede decat am fi sperat si cu siguranta mult mai bine si mai sanatos decat atunci cand sunt stresata, anxioasa si nerabdatoare. Si in final, pot spune sincer nu am niciun fel de asteptari legate de ziua de maine. Nu mi-e teama, insa nu sunt nici complet extaziata de reinceperea jobului. Nu imi pare rau ca se termina concediul de maternitate, insa nu imi pare nici bine. O iau pur si simplu ca pe un lucru normal, ce trebuia sa se intample, fie ca imi place, fie ca nu, fie ca vreau sa fie asa, fie ca nu.

EN: To my surprise, I am at ease. And I’m waiting the next day with calm, patience, without asking too much from myself. I will struggle to do everything that I have to do so that I will be back on track as soon as I can, but I will not put too much pressure on myself (as I used to do). I believe that during these two years of maternity I have learned some extremely important things, which I never fully understood and actually considered them useless and unproductive. Well, I understood that with patience, calmness and easiness, problems will solve, sometimes sooner that I expected and for sure better and healthier than I imagined when I was stressed, anxious and eager. And in the end, I can honestly say that I have absolutely no expectations regarding the day of tomorrow. I am not afraid but I am not ecstasied of going back to work. I don’t feel bad that my maternity leave is ending, but I don’t feel good about it either. I just try to take as a normal thing, that must happen, even if I like it, even if I don’t, even if I want, even if I don’t.

Kind regards,
Corporate Roxana 🙂