**************
RO
**************

Si acum bufnim in ras gandindu-ne ce planuri marete si complet nerealiste am avut inainte de nastere. Si cate greseli am facut si de cata ignoranta am dat dovada afirmand ca vietile noastre nu se vor schimba cu nimic daca apare un mini-us in peisajul familiei noastre. Such a rookie mistake! Practic, pe intreaga perioada a sarcinii am considerat ca punctul final este nasterea in sine. Acesta era finalul fericit al povestii, iar de aici incolo niciunul dintre noi nu a binevoit sa se gandeasca mai departe. Niciun moment nu am realizat cat de mare va fi socul primei nopti acasa, singuri. Noi terorizati de frica si necunoastere, iar bietul bebelus plangand in hohote in incercarea de a se acomoda unui mediu complet nou si extrem de diferit de cel in care a fost obisnuit in ultimele 9 luni. O mana de om complet neajutorata si doi parinti speriati de bombe, nedormiti, obositi, incercanati si frustrati. Oricat de multe ai auzi in jur despre cat de grea e perioada de inceput cu un bebelus, nimic nu te pregateste cu adevarat pentru momentul acesta. Si recunoastem ca pe parcursul sarcinii am cam eliminat din ecuatie orice avertizare care nu ne era pe plac. Orice contestatie vizavi de planurile noastre de calatorit ori de plecat cu bebelusul peste mari si tari inca din primele luni de viata le puneam deoparte si le ignoram. Pentru ca asteptarile noastre erau complet altele. Si uite fix asta a facut ca socul de inceput sa fie ca un set luuuung si dureros de palme peste fata.

Dar sa incepem cu inceputul 🙂 Nasterea in sine (cezariana) a fost o experienta foarte ok, mult mai bine decat ne asteptam. Totul a decurs perfect, personalul din spital si mai ales medicul au fost extrem de priceputi si atenti, refacerea in post operator dupa anestezie foarte rapida, conditiile din spital fara cusur iar bebelusul complet sanatos si voinic la cele 3,1 kg ale lui (cu scor Apgar de 10 – nu stiam ca se poate da punctaj maxim unei nasteri prin cezariana). Desi intr-adevar, refacerea dupa o operatie de cezariana si o taietura atat de mare nu este tocmai usoara (ridicatul din pat, din pozitie orizontala a fost problematic cel putin doua saptamani, teama de operatie in sine, zona amortita complet, faptul ca nu poti ridica nimic – uneori nici bebelusul, dureri post operatorii si alte neplaceri specifice oricarei interventii chirurgicale), nu regret niciun moment ca am ales aceasta varianta de a naste. Bineinteles, fiecare femeie are propria sa experienta, important e sa iti asculti instinctul si sa alegi ce este mai bine pentru piticot si pentru tine. Oricare dintre cele doua variante vine cu avantaje si dezavantaje, depinde de fiecare persoana in parte ce cantareste mai mult in luarea deciziei.

Zilele in spital au parut ca scoase dintr-o reclama de promovare a spitalului 🙂 Nu glumim (poate parea exagerat ca am luat aparatul foto dupa noi chiar si inainte de operatie, insa a fost un mod de a ne detasa putin de toate emotiile coplesitoare – si a functionat). Toate bune deci, exceptand poate personalul de la Neonatologie, putin dezinteresat si dezorganizat. Marea noastra problema a fost faptul ca am fost oarecum fortati sa semnam un consimtamant pentru suplimentarea alimentatiei cu lapte praf (ceea ce e perfect normal in conditiile in care mama chiar nu are lactatia pornita), insa din pacate nu s-a facut niciodata niciun fel de efort pentru a stimula lactatia (inafara de o carafa de ceai de lactatie pe zi). De multe ori bebelusul era adus in rezerva deja hranit cu lapte praf, asa ca pentru o incepatoare in ale alaptatului era absolut imposibila alaptarea la san. Insa chiar si asa, am insistat cu atasarea (evident, facuta complet gresit) si in mod absolut miraculos, lactatia s-a declansat dupa numai 2 zile in spital (din cate am inteles, este un mare noroc si o situatie nu foarte des intalnita, asa ca inca o data, multumiri nespuse corpului uman :D).

Bebelusul statea in rezerva pe parcursul zilei, fiind luat zilnic cateva ore pentru analize, cantarit si alte monitorizari, iar noaptea era dus la Neonatologie, ca sa ma pot odihni. Sfatul de “a ma odihni acum, ca urmeaza nopti albe” a devenit un laitmotiv in spital 🙂 Din nou, amandurora ni se pareau niste avertizari exagerate. La externare, bebelusul a pierdut 50 de grame din greutate (3080g in loc de 3130g la nastere), ceea ce este normal, bebelusii pierd o parte din greutate dupa nastere insa o recupereaza in aproximativ doua saptamani. Practic, dupa 2 saptamani de viata aveam sa facem prima vizita la pediatru, cand urma sa fie cantarit pentru a vedea ca este hranit corespunzator si ca ia in greutate. A si apropo, in primele 28 de zile de viata, in caz ca apar probleme cu bebelusul, ni s-a spus sa venim chiar in maternitatea Baneasa, la Neonatologie, si sa discutam preferabil cu doctorul neonatolog cu care s-a nascut copilul.

Buuuun, toate bune si frumoase, povestea fericita a continuat si dupa externare, cand am plecat spre casa ca niste flori, incantati de nu se poate de piticul adormit bustean in scoica, noi cu cate un zambet larg pe buze, excesiv de grijulii (inspre paranoici) si plini de viata si optimism. Socul suprem a fost momentul in care am ajuns acasa iar cel mic a inceput sa planga. Abia atunci am realizat ca suntem singuri in tot jocul acesta si ca nu stim, efectiv nu stim nimic despre copii, despre cresterea lor, cum sa il linistim, hranim, spalam sau adormim. Cine spune ca prima zi si mai ales prima noapte cu un nou nascut sunt usoare (pentru ca dorm tot timpul), fie a mai avut alti copii, fie nu stim… sunt niste super eroi! 🙂 Pentru noi prima noapte a fost un cosmar. Amandoi (amantrei de altfel) in varf de pat, fiecare plangand pe portativul sau 🙂 O noapte complet nedormita, telefoane peste telefoane la prieteni, ca intr-un final sa aflam cele trei cauze sfinte ale plansetelor bebelusilor: 1. scutec murdar 2. foame 3. aer din burtica. Si am adauga si o a patra cauza, specifica nou nascutilor: 4. nevoia de afectiune.

Despre nevoie de a fi tinut in brate si iubit am citit in articolul acesta, despre Exterogestatie, care ne-a fost util sa intelegem plansetele neconsolate. Practic bebelusul simte nevoia de a fi tinut in brate, pentru a se simti in siguranta intr-un mediu atat de diferit fata de cel cu care a fost obisnuit in ultimele noua luni. Daca noua ne este greu cu adaptarea, lor, noilor nascuti, le este cumplit. In aceeasi noapte nedormita am aflat si de al patrulea trimestru de sarcina, care incepe din momentul nasterii si dureaza pana cand bebelusul implineste trei luni. Articolul acesta ne-a fost de folos sa intelegem ca pana la trei luni, bebelusii trebuie consolati, tinuti in brate, iubiti si ca nu exista riscul de a fi rasfatati. Cu alte cuvinte, educatia copilului incepe dupa aceasta perioada critica, si chiar e indicat sa calmam copilul prin orice mod posibil. In prima noapte am reusit sa facem asta cu o aplicatie de White Noise si cu… uscatorul de par. Mda, acum intelegem de ce vecinii cu copii mici tin aspiratoarele si uscatoarele de par incontinuu in priza 😀

Concluzia dupa prima noapte singuri cu bebelusul? Soc, soc si iarasi soc. Solutia? Era nevoie de o “interventie”. In ciuda sfaturilor cum ca vizitele celor apropiati ar trebui amanate pana dupa cateva saptamani de viata, noi am avut nevoie de prieteni si de familie alaturi. In plus, am aranjat o intalnire cu un pediatru si cu o consultanta in alaptare – parte din acelasi plan de “interventie” 😀 Dar despre aceste vizite si ce am invatat vorbim intr-un articol ulterior 🙂

 

**************
EN
**************

We’re bursting into laughter when we think about our major and completely unrealistic plans before birth. How many mistakes we’ve done and how ignorant we’ve been thinking that our lives will not change at all if a mini-us will join our family. Such a rookie mistake! Basically, on the entire period of pregnancy we considered that the end point was the birth itself. This was the happy ending of the story, and from there on, none of us bothered to think further. We have never anticipated what a great shock the first night at home would be. Terrified by the unknown and the poor little baby crying his eyes out while trying to adapt to a completely new environment, so different than the one he got used in the last 9 months. A tiny little human completely helpless and two terrified parents, sleep deprived, tired, dark circled and frustrated. No matter how many things one can hear about how tough this period is, nothing really prepares you for this moment. And we have to admit it, during pregnancy we ignored any kind of warning that we did not like. If anyone challenged our travelling plans with a newborn in his first months of life, we simply ignored. Because of expectations were completely different. And that’s exactly what has caused this shock from the beginning to be as painful as a looooong and hurtful set of slaps on the face.

But let’s start with the beginning 🙂 The birth itself (c-section) was a good experience, far better than expected. Everything went perfectly, the medical staff and especially the doctor were extremely careful and skillful, my recovery in intensive care was very quick, perfect conditions in the hospital and a healthy baby at 3,1 kg (with an Apgar score of 10 – we actually thought that there’s no such thing as maximum score for a c-section birth). Even though recovery after such a surgery is not quite easy peasy (getting up from the bed from horizontal position was problematic for at least two weeks, the fear of the surgery itself, the completely numb area, the fact that I could not lift anything – sometimes not even the baby, after surgery pains and other inconveniences so typical to any surgical intervention), I do not regret choosing the c-section for giving birth. Of course, any woman has her own experience, it is important to just listen to your instinct and choose whatever is best for the tiny baby and yourself. Each of the both options comes with advantages and disadvantages, it depends on every person what matters more when taking this decision.   

Days in the hospital seemed like a marketing campaign for promoting the hospital J Not kidding (it might seem odd that we had our photo camera with us even before surgery, but it was really helpful for us to forget about the overwhelming emotions – and it worked). So, everything was fine, aside from the staff from Neonatology, a bit disorganized and uncaring. Our main problem was the fact that we were somehow forced to sign a consent to supplement baby’s feeding with formula (which is perfectly normal if the mother’s lactation hasn’t started yet), but unfortunately there was absolutely no effort for stimulating the lactation (aside from a jug of lactation tea per day). Most of the times the baby was brought in the room already fed with formula, so for a beginner in breastfeeding, it was almost impossible to succeed. Even so, I insisted and tried over and over again (of course, doing it totally wrong) and miraculously, lactation was started after only 2 days in the hospital (from what we’ve heard this is not very common after a c-section so once again, ode to the human body :D).

The baby was staying in the room with us during the day, but was taken daily a couple of hours for all kind of tests, weighting and monitoring, and during the night he was taken to Neonatology, so that I can rest. The advice of “rest now, as you will pass lots of sleepless nights” has become the leitmotif in the hospital J Again, both of us were thinking that all these were exaggerated warnings. At the discharge from the hospital, baby has lost 50 grams (3080g instead of 3130 at birth), which is normal as babies lost a part of their weight at birth, but they recover it in approximately two weeks. Basically, after 2 weeks of life we scheduled the first visit at the pediatrician, where the baby had to be measured to see if he was properly fed and if he was gaining weight. And by the way, during the first 28 days of life, in case there are any kind of problems with the baby we could go to the hospital, at Neonatology and discuss with the neonatologist doctor the baby was born with. 

Ooook, all good, the happy story continued even after being discharged from the hospital, when we went home, extremely happy with our sleepy baby in the car seat, and having a large smile on our faces, excessively careful (almost paranoid) and full of life and optimism. The supreme shock was when we arrived home and the little one started to cry. Only then we realized that we are alone in this game and that we don’t know anything, absolutely anything about kids, about raising them, soothing them, feeding them, washing them or put them to sleep. However says that first day and especially first night with a newborn is easy (because they sleep all the time), either had some other children before or… we don’t know, maybe they are some kind of super heroes! For us, the first night was a nightmare. Both of us (actually all three of us) in the middle of our bed, crying out loud J A completely sleepless night, lots of phone calls to our friends, to finally learn that babies cry for three main reasons: 1. Dirty diaper 2. Hunger 3. Air in the tummy. And we would add a forth cause, typical for newborns: 4. The need for affection.  

About the need of being held and loved we read in this article talk which describes the  Exterogestation, which helped us understand the inconsolable crying. Basically the baby feels the need to be held so that he can feel safe in an environment completely different than the one he got used to in the past nine months. If it is hard for us to adapt to the new changes, for them, the newborns, it’s extremely hard. In the same sleepless night we also found out about the 4^th trimester of pregnancy, that starts from the moment of birth and last until the baby will turn three months. This article helped us understand that until then, babies need to be comforted, hold in the arms, loved and there is no risk to spoil them. In other words, educating the baby starts after this critical period, and it is advisable to try to calm down the baby in any possible way. In the first night we were able to sooth our baby using a White Noise app on our phones and… the hair drier. Yup, we now understand why our neighbors with babies keep their hair driers and vacuum cleaners always switched on 😀

Conclusion after the first night alone with the baby? Shock, shock and shock again. Solution? We needed an “intervention”. Contrary to all the advices saying that visits should be postponed until the baby has a couple of weeks of life, we needed our friends and family close by. And we also arranged a visit with a pediatrician and a breastfeeding consultant – part of the same “intervention” plan 😀 But we’ll talk more about these visits and what we’ve learned from them in a future article J