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Foarte scurt si foarte la obiect, am putea spune patru lucruri mari si late despre primele doua saptamani de bebeluseala: oboseala cronica si lipsa de somn, alaptat (tot ce vrem si ce nu vrem sa stim am aflat in acest timp), plansete neconsolate si pusee de crestere (ca doar am tinut-o din puseu in puseu :D). Si am putea adauga si un al cincelea, si-anume atacurile de panica. Ei bine da, s-a dus pe apa sambatei toata siguranta si bravura cum ca noi vom fi cei mai relaxati parinti, cei mai cool, cei mai fara stres si cei mai curajosi. Pentru ca am fost complet la polul opus si poate chiar mai departe de atat :)) Dar pana nu uitam care ne-au fost provocarile in aceste doua saptamani (am observat ca dam imediat uitarii momentele dificile), detaliem mai jos fiecare dintre aceste “obstacole” intalnite in primele doua saptamani. Stim, suntem complet incepatori in ale bebeluselii si pe alocuri chiar ar fi trebuit sa fim mai documentati si mai bine pregatiti. Dar nu am fost si-n caz ca or mai fi parinti la fel de flower-power cum am fost noi, poate ca informatiile de mai jos vor fi de folos 🙂

OBOSEALA

Nici nu stim cate avertizari am primit legate de lipsa de somn. “Dormiti, odihniti-va cat puteti” era laitmotivul oricarei discutii cu prietenii deja trecuti prin experienta primului copil 🙂 Cum rezervele de somn nu se pot stoca (de ceeeee oareee?!), am trecut cu ignoranta peste avertizari si ne-am crezut mai zmei decat era cazul. Intr-adevar, oboseala in primele saptamani de viata ale bebelusului este CRUNTA. Intelegem acum de ce lipsa si interzicerea somnului erau folosite ca instrumente de tortura. Primele nopti au fost complet nedormite, iar in disperarea de moment, coplesiti de plansete si de tot felul de simptome pe care le consideram care mai de care mai grave, stateam amandoi treji, monitorizand bebelusul si fiecare respiratie. Inca o data, rookie mistake 🙂 Ne-am epuizat amandoi resursele inca din primele nopti, lucru care a devenit greu de suportat spre finalul primei saptamani de nesomn. Ce am invatat? Ca oricat de greu ar fi, e bine sa dormi ziua, in timp ce doarme si bebelusul. Si toate taskurile (schimbat scutece, hranit) pe cat posibil trebuie facute alternativ de parinti. In caz de alaptat exclusiv la san mai greu, but still 😀 Cert este ca in primele saptamani de viata bebelusii nu diferentiaza ziua de noapte iar unii spun ca ar avea acelasi comportament si orar ca in burta mamei. Nu stim cat e de adevarat insa la noi s-a potrivit: ziua complet esuat de somn, noaptea activ si plangacios. Si chiar daca primele zile au fost cumplite, spre finalul celei de-a doua saptamani am inceput sa vedem luminita de la capatul tunelului. Ori poate ca pur si simplu ne-am adaptat (in sfarsit!) trezirilor nocturne. A si sa nu uitam. Orice ajutor, acolo unde exista, merita (TREBUIE :D) acceptat. Chiar si o jumatate de ora de somn in plus face diferenta. Si oricat de rezistenti am fi (sau am crede ca suntem), oboseala se acumuleaza si la un moment dat ajungi sa clachezi. Si un bebelus nou nascut nu are nevoie de parinti stresati sau nervosi din cauza oboselii. Happy baby (not wife :D), happy life 🙂

ALAPTAT 

Treaba cu alaptatul pare ca a devenit o adevarata obsesie in ultima vreme. Atata presiune se pune pe tot ce presupune alaptatul, ca nu-i de mirare ca din cauza stresului si a determinarii obsesive, multe proaspete mame ajung in pragul depresiei daca se intampla cumva sa nu reuseasca sa alapteze. Ce-i drept si noi am fost chititi pe alaptarea exclusiva la san, dar am pastrat totusi o portita deschisa si ne-am obisnuit din start cu ideea ca nici laptele praf nu-i un capat de tara. Cu alte cuvinte, am fost extrem de relaxati in ceea ce priveste alaptatul, singura “obsesie” a fost sa ajunga la bebelus primele picaturi de colostru, despre care citisem ca sunt esentiale (lucru pe care l-am solicitat in spital asistentelor de la neonatologie, asa ca au adus bebelusul la san inainte de orice masa cu lapte praf). Si am avea doua mituri de destramat la capitolul acesta. Primul ar fi legat de faptul ca daca nasti prin cezariana lactatia se declanseaza foarte tarziu sau deloc – in cazul meu, lactatia s-a declansat a doua zi de la operatie, fara stimulente de lactatie. Iar al doilea mit e cel conform caruia daca bebelusul primeste lapte praf in biberon, nu o sa mai accepte sanul. Nu a fost insa cazul. Bineinteles, fiecare corp si fiecare bebelus e complet diferit si reactiile nu sunt niciodata aceleasi la toata lumea. Insa dupa cum spuneau medicii in spital, lactatia tine foarte mult de psihicul mamei. Oricat de “sectanta” pare explicatia, cu cat esti mai zen si mai relaxata, cu atat mai mari sunt sansele ca lucrurile sa se intample in mod firesc.

Daaaar, cu toate ca ne bazam temeinic pe instinctele materne si pe cele ale bebelusului, lucrurile nu au fost tocmai roz inca de la inceput. N-am avut ghinionul de a da de angorjari, furii ale laptelui ori mastite pacatoase, insa tot am avut nevoie de ajutorul unei consultante in alaptare (in principal din cauza durerilor la atasare). Am apelat la Adina Paun si da, a fost o adevarata mana cereasca pentru amandoi. Nu vom intra in detalii despre ce si cum ne-a invatat Adina, pentru ca nu stim cum sa punem informatiile intr-o forma mai putin plastica (:D), insa pentru viitoarele mamici care vor sa stie mai multe, raspundem in privat cu toate detaliile necesare 🙂

Ce a fost esential pentru noi sa stim? Faptul ca un alaptat trebuie sa dureze cel putin 15 minute pe san si asta pentru ca laptele vine in trei stadii: laptele de inceput, menit sa potoleasca setea bebelusului, laptele de tranzitie si laptele gras, de final. Bebelusul trebuie sa ajunga la cel gras pentru a se satura.  si nu-i lucru usor pentru bietii de ei. Trebuie sa depuna ceva efort si de multa ori adorm pur si simplu, asa ca trebuie stimulati (gadilati, ciupiti, orice ii tine treji). Cum stim daca bebelusul a mancat suficient (neavand biberon gradat, nu stii cat mananca exact bebelusul la o masa)? In primul rand trebuie urmarite inghititurile bebelusului – se aude si la ei zgomotul clasic de inghitit si astfel stii exact ca se hraneste. Apoi, in primele saptamani de viata trebuie sa aiba minim 8 mese pe zi (pot fi insa si 10-12). Si in final, dupa numarul de pampersi schimbati 🙂 Long story short, minim 6 pee, minim 3 poo pe zi 🙂 Si pentru ca ne era foarte greu sa tinem minte toate aceste lucruri si nu stiam cum sa le monitorizam mai corect, ne-am facut un carnetel in care am documentat zi de zi orele de masa si de schimbat.  Aaa, si sa nu uitam de inventia secolului, si anume perna de alaptat :)) Oricat de ne-sexy o fi, este esentiala (am ales-o pe aceasta).

Ce ni s-a parut ciudat? “Razboiul” dintre medici si consultantele in alaptare. Ce-i drept, medicii considera ca sunt femei care pur si simplu nu au lapte sau nu au suficient, in vreme ce consultantii sustin cu tarie ca orice femeie poate sa alapteze si sa isi stimuleze lactatia. La fel, medicii recomanda atentie la dieta mamei, de evitat anumite alimente, in vreme ce consultantii spun ca nu exista regim de alaptare. Nu stim momentan care o fi varianta corecta, noi am ales sa mergem pe mana consultantilor. So far so good.

PLANSETE si PUSEE DE CRESTERE

Habar nu aveam ce sunt aceste pusee. De crestere, de achizitie, nu auzisem de asa ceva. Asa ca evident, dupa o noapte si o zi de plansete (ale noastre si ale bebelusului), era musai o interventie :)) Vizita consultantei in alaptare a fost una, vizita unei prietene pediatru a doua. Ambele ne-au ajutat enorm, nu doar pentru verificari ale bebelusului ci si psihic. Pur si simplu vazand alte persoane umbland si manevrand bebelusul cu atata siguranta si pricepere, am realizat ca nu este un bol de cristal si ca nu e cazul sa fim atat de precauti. Totusi, in ciuda faptului ca bebelusul nu avea niciun motiv evident de suparare (parea complet sanatos, hranit, curat), nu stiam de ce continua sa planga neconsolat. Asa ca informatia revelatoare a venit din partea consultantei in alaptare care ne-a explicat ca in primele zile de viata bebelusii au aceste pusee de crestere, cand pur si simplu cresc accelerat in greutate sau lungime (sau amandoua). De aici vine si nevoia lor de a manca mult mai mult (uneori si din 10 in 10 minute, fata de 2 in 2 ore cum era initial programul lui de hrana). Practic, bebelusul vrea aproape toata ziua la san. Ceea ce nu e o problema atat de mare, pentru ca in felul acesta se stimuleaza lactatia pentru perioada urmatoare, insa poate deveni frustrant pentru mama. Se pare ca cele mai multe mame renunta la alaptat in perioadele de puseu, confundand foamea excesiva a bebelusului cu lipsa laptelui matern sau a unei consistente suficient de bune cat sa il sature. Recunosc, aceleasi ganduri le-am avut si eu – noroc ca n-am stiut sa folosesc sterilizatorul pentru biberoane in momentul critic in care voiam sa ii dam lapte praf si practic a fost nevoie sa insist cu alaptarea 🙂 In plus, foarte motivant a fost si calatoritul si flexibilitatea pe care ne-ar da-o alaptatul exclusiv la san. Si de ce nu, si slabitul 😀 Chipurile alaptatul activ ar presupune un consum de 500 de calorii pe zi (de o fi sau nu adevarat, nici nu mai conteaza, insa e un stimulent fabulos de bun :D).

Bun, motivul pentru care bebe Alexei era atat de suparat si nervos si plangacios a fost primul puseu de crestere care apare cam in ziua 4 de la nastere si dureaza aproximativ 3 zile. Urmatorul este in jurul varstei de 7 zile, apoi la 3 saptamani, 6 saptamani, 3 luni, 6 luni si 9 luni. Cu alte cuvinte, un puseu continuu 🙂 Ce e de facut? O sa vorbim din carti acum, insa e cam varianta: foarte multa rabdare (pentru ca vor fi multe plansete si nedormit noaptea), tinut in brate si alaptat la cerere. Cam asta a functionat la noi. Plus white noises (am sacrificat un uscator de par pentru acest scop nobil :D) si plimbarile in carucior, in landou. Auzisem si de plimbarea cu masina, in scoica, insa la noi se linistea foarte greu iar la orice oprire la semafor reincepea showul 🙂 Si infasatul a functionat pe ici pe colo, insa nu intotdeauna. In plus, citisem atatea pareri contradictorii despre infasat, ca ne-am ferit sa facem abuz de varianta aceasta de linistire. Aaa, iar pentru monitorizarea evolutiei bebelusului am primit numeroase recomandari sa folosim aplicatia The Wonder Weeks, care descrie exact ce se intampla in fiecare saptamana de viata, cu perioade mai mult sau mai putin furtunoase 🙂

Nu a fost deloc usor, mai ales ca nu stiam ce se intampla si intram in panica la absolut orice planset, insa acum, ca am depasit momentul, parca nu a fost asa de dramatic. Nu negam insa ca zilele in care nu reusim sa il consolam si plange intruna, de dimineata pana seara, sunt extrem de frustrante si greu de suportat. Nu plansetul in sine e deranjant, ci neputinta noastra de a-l linisti. Simti ca nu esti un parinte suficient de bun, suficient de capabil sa aduca un pic de consolare copilului. Iar asta de multe ori doare mai mult decat ne-am fi putut inchipui vreodata.

ATACURILE DE PANICA

Am crezut intotdeauna ca vom fi cei mai relaxati parinti din lume. Cei mai zen, cei mai cei. Si cum am dat de primul hop am clacat 🙂 Nu eram pregatiti, nu suntem nici acum. Suntem intr-un continuu proces de invatare si acomodare cu bebelusul, si speram ca din fiecare episod greu pe care il traim, sa invatam sa privim mai detasat lucrurile pe care nu le putem controla. Bebelusul va plange, like it or not. Se va imbolnavi la un moment dat, like it or not. Vom face greseli, ne vom speria, vom intra in panica. Important e sa acceptam imprevizibilul si sa intelegem ca viata cu un bebe mic nu poate fi la fel de liniara si de perfect organizata cum obisnuia sa fie pana acum. Pentru un OCD-ist convins si o control freak si mai convinsa, nu-i lucru usor de realizat :)) Ce am invatat? Sa cerem ajutor specializat acolo unde avem nevoie. Un medic pediatru bun, o prietena trecuta printr-o experienta similara, un consultant in alaptare, un psiholog, orice si oricine ar putea da o mana de ajutor. E incredibil cat de linistitoare este simpla confirmare ca bebelusul este in regula, si ca trebuie doar ajutat sa depaseasca niste momente grele din viata sa. Si-acum ca am depasit primele doua saptamani, sa vina cea de-a treia, cu colicii ei cu tot! Suntem gata! 😀

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Brief and to the point, we could say four things about our first two weeks with our newborn baby: chronic fatigue and lack of sleep, breastfeeding (we learned more than we would actually want to know about this subject), inconsolable crying and growth spurts (as it seems we went from one spurt to another :D). And we could add a fifth one and that’s panic attacks. Oh well, all our confidence and bravery that we will be the coolest, the most relaxed, courageous and not stressed at all parents in the world went down the drain. Because we simply were at the opposite pole from what we imagined – or even farther than that :))) And as we don’t want to forget our challenges that we faced these two weeks (we noticed that we tend to forget the difficult moments quite easy), we will detail each of these “obstacles” that we encountered. We know, we are completely newbies in parenthood and we do admit that here and there we should have been more documented and more prepared. But just in case we have here other flower-power parents as we’ve been, maybe the information below will be useful 🙂

TIREDNESS

We don’t even know how many warnings related to the lack of sleep we received so far. “Sleep, get some rest while you still can” was the leitmotif of each discussion with friends that already lived the first child experience 🙂 As we simply cannot stock some sleep beforehand (whyyyy, whyyyy not?!), we ignorantly put aside all the warnings and thought that we will actually be different. Indeed, tiredness in the first weeks of a newborn life is TREMENDOUS. We now understand why the forbiddance and lack of sleep were used as torture methods. First nights were completely sleepless and in those desperate moments, overwhelmed by crying and all kind of symptoms that we considered more and more serious, we were both awake, monitoring each breath of the baby. Once again, rookie mistake 🙂 We were exhausted even from the first few nights and this became quite hard to bare until the end of the first sleepless week. What have we learned? Well, no matter how hard would it be, it is advisable to sleep during daytime, while the baby is also sleeping. And all the other tasks (changing the diaper, feeding the baby) should be done alternatively by the parents. In case of breastfeeding this will not be possible, but still 😀 What should be known is the fact that babies cannot diferentiate between night and day during the first weeks of life and sompe people say that they have the same behavior and schedule as they used to have in the mother’s womb. We don’t really know if that’s true but that was the case for us: during daytime he was sleeping all the tine, during nighttime he was extremely active and continuously weeping. But even though the first days were terrifying, at the end of the second week we started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe we just adapted (finaaaaally!) to waking up during nighttime. Ah, and let’s bot forget. If there is possible, any kind of help is worth accepting (and it SHOULD be accepted :D). Even a half an hour of more sleep makes the difference. No matter how strong we might be (or think that we are), tiredness accumulates and at some point you simply crack. And a newborn baby doesn’t need tired and stressed pare ts. Happy baby (not wife :D), happy life 🙂 

BREASTFEEDING

This breastfeeding thing has become a real obsession lately. There is so much pressure on everything related to breastfeeding that there’s no wonder that due to stress and obsessive determination, lots of new mothers end up depressed if somehow they are unable to breastfeed. It is true that we were extremely focused on exclusive breastfeeding, but we accepted from the very beginning the idea that formula is not a bad thing. In other words, we were very relaxed in what concerns breastfeeding, the only “obsession” was to give the baby the first few drops of colostrum, as we read that they are simply essential (we informed the neonatology nurses about our wish so they brought the baby to me before any formula meal). And we could bust two myths regarding this. The first would be the one that says that if you have a c-section birth lactation will start very late or at all – in my case, lactation started in the second day after the surgery, without lactation stimulation. And the second myth would be the one that if the baby is given formula in a bottle, he will never accept the breast again. But that was not the case. Of course, each body and each baby is completely different and the reactions are never the same. As the doctors were telling me in the hospital, lactation is linked to mother’s psychic. No matter how cliche it might sound, the more tranquil and relaxed you are, chances that everything will go smooth and natural are way bigger. Howeeeeeever, even though we were counting on the maternal instincts and also on the baby’s natural instincts, things weren’t quite easy at the beginning. Luckily, I had no engorging, mastitis or other breastfeeding issues, but I still needed the help of a breastfeeding consultant (mainly because of the pain upon latching). We’ll not going into details about what she tought us, as we don’t know how to put it in a less explicit form (:D) but for the future moms that want to find more, we can debate in private 🙂 

What was esential for us to know? The fact that a session of breastfeeding should take at least 15 minutes per breast and that’s because the milk comes in three stages: the one from the beginning that handles baby’s thrist, the transitional milk and the fatty milk from the end. Baby needs to get to the fat milk in order to feel satisfied. And that’s not quite an easy task for poor little babies. They have to do a lot pf effort and sometimes they simply fell asleep so they have to be stimulated (tickled, pinched, anything that might keep them awake). How do we know that the baby has eaten enough (without a marked bottle it is hard to know how much the baby ate at one meal)? First of all, you need to follow baby swallows – the same classic swallowing noise that you hear at an adult – that’s how you know the baby is actually feeding. Then, in the first few weeks of life babies need to have minimum 8 meals per day (there can be 10 or 12). And finally, the number of dirty diapers 🙂 Long story short, minimum 6 pees, minimum 3 poos per day 🙂 And because it was hard to remember all these things and we did not know how to correctly monitor them, we made a journal where we documented the feeding and changing hours. Aaah, and let’s not forget about the coolest invention ever and that’s breastfeeding pillow :)) Sexy or not, it is essentiaaaal (have chosen this one). 

What seemed odd? The “fight” between doctors and breatfeeding consultants. Doctors say that some women simply don’t have milk or don’t have enough, while the consultants are pretty sure that any woman can breastfeed and stimulate the lactation. Again, doctors recommend dieting for moms and special care on the chosen menu, while consultants say that there is no diet while breastfeeding. Not sure which version is the correct one, but I’ve chosen the consultants side. So far so good. 

CRYING and GROWTH SPURTS

We had no idea what these growth spurts are. Growing spurts, intellectual spurts, we’ve never heard about them before. So obviously, after one night and day of continuous crying (all three of us), we needed an intervention :)) The breastfeeding consultant visit was one of them, the second one the visit of a pediatrician friend of ours. Both of them really helped us a lot, not just for regular check ups, but also made us feel better. Simply seeing other persons talking to the baby and confidently handling him we realized he’s not a crystal ball and that we don’t have to be over cautious. However, despite the fact that the baby had no obvious reason to be upset (seemed completely healthy, fed and clean), we did not know why he continued with the inconsolable crying. So the revealing information came from the breastfeeding consultant that explained us that at the beginning of their life, young babies go through these growth spurts, when they simply grow very fast (in weight or length or both). That’s why they want to eat much more (sometimes even from 10 to 10 minutes, not at every 2 hours as the initial schedule was). Basically, the baby wants to be breastfeeding all day long. Which is not such a big deal as this is the proper way to stimulate the lactation for the next period of time, but it can be frustrating for the mother. It seems that most moms give up breastfeeding during growth spurts, taking the excessive baby hunger for lack of milk or insufficient milk to satiate. I admit, I had the same thoughts – thanks god I did not know how to use the steam sterilizer in that critical moment when we were tempted to feed him formula. So I had to insist with breastfeeding 🙂 In addition, it was quite rewarding to think about the flexibility that we could had during our travels if I could breastfeed. And why not mention getting thinner and back to shape 😀 Some people say that active breastfeeding would burn around 500 calories per day (not sure if that’s true or not but it doesn’t matter, it’s just a good incentive :D).

Ok, the reason why baby Alexei was so upset and crying without stopping was the first growth spurt that appears around day 4 from birth and lasts approximately 3 days. The next one is around 7 days, then at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months. In other words, a continuous spurt 🙂 What needs to be done? Well, we will quote some book recommendations now but that seems to be the only feasible option: lots and lots of patience (because there will be a lot of crying and sleepless nights), holding the baby in your arms and breastfeeding upon request. This has worked for us. Plus the white noises (we sacrificed a hair dryer for this noble purpose :D) and walks with the stroller. We also heard about the car drives, in the car seat, but in our case it did not work so smoothly and each traffic light stop meant restarting the “show” 🙂 Swaddling sometimes worked, but definitely not always. We read so many different opinions about swaddling that we just wanted to avoid using this as a day by day option to sooth the baby. Aaah, and for monitoring the baby’s life evolution we got lots of recommendations to use The Wonder Weeks app, that describes what happens in each week of life, with chart representing the stormy or sunny period of times 🙂 So, it was not easy, especially because we did not know what was happening and we we’re panicking at every crying, but now that we’re over that moment, it no longer seems so dramatic. However, we cannot deny the fact that those days when the inconsolable crying was not ending, from morning till dawn, are extremely frustrating and hard to bare. Not the crying itself is disturbing, but our inability to tranquil him. You feel that you are not a good parent, incapable of soothing the baby. And this can hurt more than we have ever imagined. 

PANIC ATTACKS

We always thought that we will be the most relaxed parents in the world. The best of the best. And once we hit the first obstacle, we cracked 🙂 We were not ready, we are not ready now either. We’re in a continuous learning process and accommodation with the baby and we do hope that from each difficult episode that we will live, we’ll learn how to deal in a more relaxed manner with the things that we cannot control. Baby will cry, like it or not. We’ll make mistakes, we’ll be scared, we’ll panic. But it is important to accept the unpredictable and understand that life with a newborn cannot be as linear and perfectly organized as it used to be. For a real OCD guy and a freak control next to him, this can be hard to accomplish :)) What have we learned? To ask for specialized help where it is needed. A good pediatrician, a friend that went through a similar experience, a breastfeeding consultant, a psychologist, anything and anyone that could help. It is incredible how reassuring it is to receive a confirmation that everything is fine with the baby and that he only needs some help to overcome some difficult moments from his life. And now that the first two weeks are gone, let the third begin! Even with its colic!